We talk a lot about a leader's posture. And what we mean by "posture" is we think all leaders—and especially small group leaders—should be:
That's because your posture influences how effectively you're able to carry out the tasks and responsibilities required for leadership. It's the foundation on which all of your other leader knowledge and skills are built.
Think of it this way. We couldn't possibly teach you everything you need to lead a group well. That's because we can't account for every situation that might arise in the groups you lead. And even if we could teach you everything, doing so wouldn't be efficient. It's not helpful to overwhelm you with a boatload of information, most of which you won't need to know until later.
When it comes to leading groups, on-the-job learning is the best kind of learning. Figuring out how to handle a difficult personality or someone's challenging circumstances or a tricky question of theology is the best way to learn how to handle similar situations going forward. Real people, with all of their complexities, quirks, strengths, and weaknesses, demand a nuanced response that we can't possible anticipate in a formal training.
So, how can we just cut you loose knowing that you're not fully prepared for every situation that may arise in your group? The right posture covers a multitude of leader shortcomings.
You don't have to have all of the answers all of the time. We don't expect that of you. Honestly, your group members don't expect that of you. But we're confident that if you respond to the leadership challenges you face with humility, teachability, curiosity, and intentionality, you'll be okay. Your group members will feel cared for while you figure out — sometimes with the help of church staff — how to handle whatever it is your group is facing.
HUMBLE
Humility is a bad word in our culture. But it shouldn't be. We associated it with weakness, but it actually requires great strength to be humble.
The best leaders are humble. They don't see themselves as above those they lead. Instead, they see themselves as fellow travelers on a journey in which everyone in the group—including the leader—has the opportunity to grow into better and better versions of themselves.
Jesus was humble. In his letter to the Philippians, the apostle Paul wrote this about Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:6–8
None of us will ever match Jesus' humility, but it's something to aspire to in our leadership. Here are a few reasons why being humble is essential to great leadership:
Humble leaders don't control or manipulate others. This is particularly important for group leaders because, I don't know if you've noticed, but you have no actual authority over the people you lead. You don't sign their paychecks. You can't fire them. You can't punish them if they don't do their homework. And they're only accountable to you and the other members of the group if they choose to be. They will be drawn to and motivated by your humility, though.
Humble leaders care. And the people they lead know it and appreciate it.
Humble leaders leverage the influence they've been given on behalf of those they lead instead of for their own benefit. This is related to the first two points. Because humble leaders aren't focused on control and because they care about those they lead, their actions are driven by the shared interests of the group. They aren't self-serving. They serve others. That's the kind of leader Jesus was.
If you want to practice humility in your leadership, consider doing some of the following:
Pick studies based on the needs of your group members instead of what interests you.
Make a habit of sending your group members encouraging texts or emails.
Always follow up on prayer requests (even if you have to take notes in order to remember what you're following up on).
Be vulnerable and transparent. Your group members will respect you more if you're honest about your own struggles than if you try to present yourself as a perfect Christian.
Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know. What do you think?" during group discussions.
TEACHABLE
Great leaders aren't focused on teaching others. They're focused on continual learning and growth. They want the people they lead to experience the same kind of growth they're experiencing.
The best leaders are teachable. If you want to be a teachable leader, focus on three areas:
What God can teach you. If you're going to lead others toward spiritual growth, you need to stay connected to your heavenly Father. That kind of connections means you're always open to growing in and learning through your relationship with God. It means that you acknowledge you don't have God all figured out. There is always room to learn more about him — both from Scripture and in trusting him daily with the circumstances of your life.
What your group members can teach you. Leading a group isn't about downloading all of your Bible knowledge and Christian experience to your group members. It's fundamentally relational. That means that if you want your group members to learn from you, you have to be willing to learn from them. None of us has all of the answers. Sometimes the most seasoned believers can be taught by the fresh perspective offered by newer Christians.
What non-believers can teach you. This may seem like an odd thing to emphasize, but it's important. Even if a person doesn't believe in God, they may have a perspective on culture, human nature, or even faith that can benefit from you. Think about it: when you were in school, you probably didn't agree with everything your teachers said or did. But that doesn't mean they had nothing to offer.
Teachable leaders are aware of their own room for growth. That awareness makes them better equipped to help others grow.
If you want to put teachability into practice, decide whether you would most benefit from an increased focus on learning from God, your group members, or those outside the faith. And then be intentional about seeking knowledge in that area.
CURIOUS
Curiosity is an essential part of the leader posture. It has the power, like nothing else, to help you connect deeply with your group members and encourage them to grow. In terms of how it influences the group dynamic, curiosity means being deeply interested in your group members and allowing that interest to drive how you interact with them.
Curiosity:
Is the opposite of judgment.
Keeps your mind active.
Sees possibilities instead of problems.
Connects you to the people and the world around you.
Builds empathy (for example, you change your mind about people when you’ve heard their stories; you’ll hear people’s stories, if you ask questions).
Is an intentional posture that helps you navigate the tensions between truth and
grace, sacrifice and mercy.
Practicing curiosity is simple, but it takes practice. All you have to do is spend more time asking questions than you do offering your opinion or perspective.
INTENTIONAL
The fourth characteristic of the leader posture is intentionality. That just means you should have a plan to make sure what happens in group is helping everyone take their best next steps in spiritual growth.
The tricky part of being intentional is that in order to do it really well you have to be both proactive and reactive. On the one hand, you need to take the lead in guiding your group members in the direction they need to go. On the other hand, figuring out where your group members need to go requires figuring out where they are now and reacting accordingly (the Group Member Assessment is a great tool for doing just that).
Intentionality can be more art than science. It can be helpful to ask yourself these questions:
How spiritually mature are my group members? Are they new to faith? Are they long-time Christians? Are they somewhere in between? Answering these questions will help you know how much to challenge your group members. Newer Christians may need to be introduced to ideas you take for granted. More seasoned Christians may need to be challenged to step outside of their well-worn comfort zones.
Do my group members lack specific knowledge or skills that prevents them from growing? Do they need help understanding and practicing spiritual disciplines like reading the Bible and prayer? Do they need a new perspective on dating, marriage, or parenting? Answering questions like these can help you understand what kinds of studies and conversation will most benefit your group members.
Are they serving in a ministry? If the answer is no, it's almost always a great next step.
How well is your group connecting relationally? If things are stuck on the surface, that can be a major impediment to growth for everyone in the group. You may need to be intentional about modeling vulnerability and transparency so your group members feel safe to do the same.
Most of all, keep this in mind: being intentional isn't about seizing control of the group. It's not about bossing others around or making plans for their lives. Remember: you're leading adults. They're in charge of themselves.
Being intentional just means making sure the group is more than a series of random interactions between its members. No one is happy in a random group because no one grows or feels challenged. It's about making sure that the relationships, conversations, and studies are designed to help every member grow.
You're the only one that can make a plan like that because your group is a unique mix of individuals. No one knows them as well as you do.