Three Tips for Better Group Storytelling

It can be challenging to create a comfortable environment for telling stories in group because some group members are eager to talk about themselves and others are reluctant. Some people over-share and others under-share. So how do you find that sweet spot where everyone can tell his or her story in a way that leads to deeper connection within the group?

Here are three practical tips you can use to lead your group members to better storytelling.

1. Lead the story. As the group's leader, it's your responsibility to cast a vision for why telling stories is an important part of building community. It's also up to you to model good storytelling. The way you tell your story may differ depending on the type of group you're leading. A long-term Community Group will want to dive deeper into stories in order to create a solid relational foundation. Short-term groups (Starting Point, Care Group, Access Group) may want to focus on a few key facts so that people feel comfortable enough to begin to open up to one another.

2. Name the story. If you want to make sure everyone's story is focused, name the story. Say, “Who wants to tell his or her Eight-Minute Story next week?” If it's called "Eight-Minute Story," group members will assume that, well, they need to give an eight-minute story. Just make sure the time allotted is appropriate to the type of group—eight minutes isn't enough time for the kind of in-depth storytelling that happens in Community Group.

3. Celebrate the story. As group members tell their stories, look for ways to encourage and connect with them. Always thank them for telling their stories. Provide positive feedback. Take notes and really focus on what each member may need and how you can help them. It’s always a good idea to give group members a quick call during the week after they their stories to see how they think it went and to thank them for sharing.

What are some things you've done to help group members to tell their stories well?

Celebrating Communion in Group

Have you ever thought to yourself that it would be great if we celebrated communion every Sunday at church . . . or that Night of Worship should happen more often? Communion is a powerful time of corporate worship, right?

Well, communion doesn't just have to happen on Sunday mornings or at Night of Worship. Community Group is a great place to celebrate it too.

In fact, celebrating communion with your Community Group is a great way to help your group members connect relationally and spiritually. It can be a powerful shared experience.

Good Friday week is coming up. It may be an opportune time to do celebrate communion with your group. So, we want to make you aware of a resource we've put together. We're posting it now so you have a couple weeks to talk to your group and prepare before celebrating. (Don't worry. It won't take you a couple weeks to prepare, we just want to make sure you have more than enough time.)

Download the Celebrating Communion in Group (PDF). It includes instructions for sharing communion as well as a Leader FAQ that answers the most common questions you and your group members may have. If you have additional questions, contact your Groups Director. He or she is always happy to help.

Have you ever celebrated communion in your group? If so, how did it go?

Setting Group Boundaries, Part Two

We all agree that setting boundaries for group members is necessary for maintaining group health. But how do we approach a group member that refuses to live within those boundaries? How do we manage the tension between extending needy members grace and delivering truth? Here are some ideas to help you manage this tension:

Be compassionate. Start with compassion. At first, it may be difficult to discern real need from "real needy." If you enter into the fray with compassion, your heart will be ready to respond appropriately.

Be aware. Watch how the other members of the group respond to a potentially needy member. Look for signs that your other group members are growing tired or detached from the group. Look for rolling eyes, sidebar conversations, or even reduced attendance.

Be prepared. Needy group members tend to dominate group discussion. Look for an opening to draw the conversation from the needy member and back to the group. You can do this by simply saying to another group member, "What do you think about that?" Always keep your ears open for a pause where you have the opportunity to bring the group back on task.

Be assertive. You'll probably have to address the needy member. Because of low self-awareness, needy members rarely resolves issues on their own. Be willing and prepared to address the issue when the time is right.

Be quick. Address the issue as quickly as possible. The longer it continues, the harder it is to rein in and the more potential for damaging relationships inside the group increases. Waiting also increases the likelihood that someone else in the group will address the needy member in a less than ideal way.

Be discreet. Addressing needy people in a public forum isn't best. It drives them away and potentially causes more damage. It's best to address the issue outside of the regular group meeting. If it's helpful, you can bring your apprentice along for the confrontation. This lets the needy member know that it's not just one person's opinion.

Be humble. You want to balance speaking truth with a humble spirit. People tend to discount what they hear from someone they consider self-righteous or arrogant.

Be accepting. Communicate acceptance. It's easier to accept a difficult truth when you're confident that they accept you as a person. If you're not, then what they say comes across as rejection.

Be sound. Focus on adding truth rather than pointing out errors. People don't abandon what they think or believe just because someone presents a good argument.

Be thorough. One conversation probably won't resolve all issues. Be ready to have follow-up conversations. Encourage needy members to go down a road of self-discovery. Let them know you're on their side and want to help them grow.

Be a leader. Lead needy members to self-discovery. Preaching to them puts them in a position to defend their beliefs or behaviors. Asking good questions positions them to discover truth on their own.

Not every situation will be resolved in a desirable way. But if you use some of these ideas, they'll give your group a greater chance of success. In the end, God is responsible for the outcome. We're responsible for our attitude and actions when helping lead our groups.

Setting Group Boundaries, Part One

Most of us have been in a group or two with one group member who dominates the group experience. Maybe there's been someone who tried to dominate every group you've been in. It's important for the health of our groups and for our growth as leaders that we learn how to set boundaries for dominant group members. If one member of the group dominates the group experience, the real issues of growth and care for other members may never be addressed. Individuals who don't grow and aren't cared for will carry that experience into their future groups. They may even decide that community isn't worth the effort. And if leaders don't set boundaries, dominant group members will carry that pattern of behavior into their future groups as well.

We can't “kick the can down the road” or “run out the clock.” The opportunity to create and sustain a healthy group is now. But first we have to set boundaries.

This is never easy. But the more you do it, the better you get at it. In the long run, it's easier to set boundaries at the outset of the group than to have to rein someone in six months into the life of the group. How do you do this?

First, clearly establish from the beginning that small group is not a support group. While care is part of the experience, the small group isn't equipped or designed to be a recovery group or a place for counseling sessions.

Second, address the distinction between caregiving and caretaking. God calls us to provide care in times of need, but we're not caretakers for individuals in our groups.

Third, establish at the outset that spiritual growth is a goal for the group. That means group members are willing to listen and apply insights and actions suggested by the group.

Finally, group is a place for accountability. Community allows God to restore and reconcile us to him through our relationships with others. Isaiah 61 says, "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners." What greater charge can leaders have? When we proclaim biblical truths, those truths become the key to breaking through the barriers that hold a needy person hostage. Those truths shine a light where darkness has thrived for years. As leaders, we have the opportunity, challenge, privilege, and responsibility to deliver truth.

Setting boundaries is essential in helping lead groups well. But there are times when group members refuse to live within the established group boundaries. Part Two of this post explores what to do in that kind of situation.